January 13, 2011
the title of this blog says it all really.
And Yes, I am aware that it is only a week into the project. Maybe I have not even done a whole week.
I know some people may be smiling and thinking ‘I knew she wouldn’t do it’. Thats fine. I don’t mind. I can admit when I fail at something. And this is one of those times.
The concept of Post a Day 2011 came from WordPress itself, the people who I blog through. And its a great idea. For some people. I was excited about it, and thought it was something I could achieve. And in fact, I still think it is something I could achieve, however it is not something I WANT to achieve. And the reasons are as follows …
When I created Fragmentz, the blog, it was with the view of blogging about things that I had in my head, on my mind. It was intended as an outlet. It is a space where I write things that sometimes I find difficult to talk about in real life ( lets talk about rape … being such a post to give an example). Its a space where I can air my thoughts, my poems, my writings, my struggles with life, faith, the world around me, health, depression and other such things. I want it to continue being that space.
Its a space where I have been true to myself, and want to continue being so. And that means not posting things for the sake of it. And thats what I realised the other night, when I was at home, after a very long and weary day, at work, and when my mood was not at its best. I was about to go and hide under my duvet when I realised I had yet to blog … so I trawled through my computer to see what I could find to ‘stick up’ so I could fulfil my quota of ‘daily posting’. I ended up rambling about Glee. Just so I had posted.
That was never what Fragmentz was about. And it isnt.
Hence why I am quitting out of the ‘post a day’ project, and will continue to write/blog here as before.
I hope those of you who have been reading through post a day continue, and if not, then its been nice to briefly be part of your ‘group’ and thank you as ever to those of you who regularly read and keep up to date with the ever changing roller coaster ride of a life that is Fragz.
January 11, 2011
January 9, 2011
Dear Mr Tong …
I award you the Institute of Fragmentz 1st class Degree(Hons) in being a Moron.
Well done. You have achieved highly.
You have also no doubt impressed upon some young or vulnerable people that having an illness which is life ruining/threatening at its worst is ‘glamourous’ because to be ‘thin’ is to be good. You could not be more wrong.
You have probably achieved what you set out. Notoriety. People have publicised you without meaning to, people have talked about you, you have trended on twitter (wahoo, bet you are so hugely proud of that) and have caused hurt and upset by the thousands. You have stamped on the lives of people who are unwell with eating disorders, and their families who also endure and suffer.
Some people think you can not be for real, that this is all a ‘stunt’. Some people think you are for real. And are listening. Thats the saddest bit to this. Because either way, what you are doing, and your achievements are of the worst kind. You are unwell yourself.
I hope you one day come the realisation of the harm you may be and are causing and what a complete lunatic you yourself have become. Go get some help.
And please dont be too proud of your Degree, from Fragmentz … as no one else is.
Without Kind Regards,
January 8, 2011
The below is a poem I have had on the go for many months now. I keep coming back to it, time and time again, to ‘complete’ and yet, every time I do, or every time inspiration has hit, and I think ooh that be part of that poem, by the time I’ve got to write down the thoughts, they’ve gone. So I have concluded that maybe the poem is meant to be unfinished, and there for complete as it is.
The blink of her eyes, the teardrops fall,
as the tired body crumples up against the wall,
no one and nothing to stand her upright
on to the floor she goes, losing her fight
The feeling is extreme, rushing through her veins,
Never before has she felt such pain,
In the middle of the night, when silence is all around,
Who is there to cry out to?
January 7, 2011
So, along side my ambitous ‘post a day 2011′ attempt, I am also going to attempt to do a 365 (which seems to be all the rage) attempt at things I am grateful for.
In time, within the next few days, this is going to become a ‘page’ on my blog, and I am going to try and daily add something that I am grateful for. The only clause I add to this, is again, the same one with the blog posting, that its an attempt. I may do one a day sometimes, I may do three in one day if i’ve backlogged a little. Every now and then I will promote I am doing this, but I wont ‘tweet’ it every day, unless i’ve specifically blogged about it.
I also may ‘blog’ properly about some of the things I put onto the grateful list, and again I may not. Some things will be mega things, and again some things will be little.
We’ll see how it goes. For the first few, until I have got the page set up, I’ll blog … so
Number 1) the roof i have over my head.
January 6, 2011
this is one of those songs ive mentioned as being very special. because a friend sent into me, to listen to. i had never heard of them, or the song. and it was such a needed piece of music at that time, and is on my list of top 5 songs.
protection by massive attack
January 5, 2011
A few years ago, times were tough. Very tough. Tougher than I ever could have imagined. As I have mentioned before recently in a blog, 10 years ago, I never in my wildest dream would have imagined what the next 10 years were going to hold. I had no idea what life was going to make me endure. I sometimes wonder if I had known then, whether I would have quit the race before hand, perhaps its a good job I didn’t know?
Anyway, during one of the bleak days, when I could not bring myself to get out of bed and face the day, my stepdad who I lovingly regard as my Dad now, popped in to bring me some food. He also bought me a little card, to say he was thinking of me, and in that card was a bookmark type thing, a little laminated piece of paper. On it was the poem ‘ Dont Quit’ and a message from my Dad telling me to keep going and to not quit fighting the fight. It made me cry as I read it, and it makes me tearful to re read it now. To think at times I was so close to the edge. So close to throwing my hats in, and giving up. In fact, I tried several times, and perhaps only by the grace of God and some very beautiful friends I’ve managed to get back on the road of recovery and journey.
I was listening to some music tonight, that means a lot to me, songs that friends suggested or sent to me over the time, at random times but that meant the world there and then and still does. It made me think this poem, Dont Quit, author unknown.
And I guess it made me want to share it with you, whoever reads this, in the hope that, maybe someone out there who is contemplating quitting will read it, and hear it, and let it speak into their lives, so that wherever you are and whatever your situation is you can somehow find some inner strength to keep on fighting the fight. If life is tough for you right now, like unimaginably tough, do know, I am thinking of you and sending you love and hugs as I type/post this blog. Love Fragmentz x
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill, When the funds are low, and the debts are high, And you want to smile, but you frown a bit, Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is strange with its twists and turns, As everyone of us sometimes learns, And many a failure turns about, When he might have won had he stuck it out; Don’t give up though the pace seems slow, You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out, The silver tint of the clouds of doubt, And you can never tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems so far; So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit, It’s when things seem worst That you must not quit.
January 4, 2011
Happy new Year from Fragmentz everyone! I hope for all of you, wherever you are right now, and what ever situations you are in/dealing with that 2011 will treat you kindly, that you will be loved and have people to love, and that the year brings some of your dreams/wishes/desires.
I had intended to write a ‘its the new year, lets review the past’ kinda blog, but i have decided that it will be 2011 for quite some time yet, so there is no rush to do that, so in time, i will be looking at the last 10 years, or some of it, and I will be thinking about the future year/years to come, my hopes, and aims. Just going to be taking my time
Anyway, with a little nudge from friends, and a project that word press have launched for 2011, ive decided that I am going to attempt to post most days in 2011. I think the actual word press project is to post every day, however I think that might be slightly ambitous and setting dear Fragz for a mighty fall, and also once a week is too little, so my aim is to post most days!
I feel I have neglected my blog, my readers, my friends who follow me, and my own desire to write and be creative, either with blog writing, poetry or photo taking. So, one of my ambitions for this year is to tap back into what I enjoy doing.
If you already follow me, thanks you, I really value your support and if your new or a recent follower, welcome to the ride! I look forwards to hearing from you guys soon.
Love Fragmentz x